Saturday, July 30, 2005

I thought of buena today

It is Sat. nite, and I am preparing a presentation on the Dept of Peace, for 9 am tomorrow--well, NO, right now I am blogging, when I should be doing the above.
But, I am mostly prepared for it already, and just had to think a bit more about Buena.
I used to live there, a million years ago. Seven years ago actually. I lived in a rural, isolated, area of SJ, on ten acres of land that butted up against the Pinelands and a horse ranch.
Off one of the few main highways in that area, down a gravel road, and then down a dirt road that ended at my door, was the old, concrete Russian farm house where I existed. When I first saw it, it had actual shutters with moons and stars cut into the wood. Quaint. I liked it.

What I liked even more, though, was the land. In buena, I grew fields of flowers. Statice, strawflowers, cosmos, snapdragons, hollyhocks, all shades and sizes of sunflowers, lots of flowers. I could walk down the rows of 3-4 feet high strawflowers, and literally be walking through masses of butterflies feeding on the flowers. There were rows of cilantro, I love the smell of cilantro---and, it keeps deer away, just FYI; rows of herbs, lemon verbana is exquisite, as is borage. I would pull the flowers off the plant, float them in a glass of wine or a cup of herb tea, and sit out there in the evening. Did you know that Roman soldiers use to eat borage for courage in the battlefields?

And the birds...this pre buena almost city girl was amazed at the birds. Two hummingbirds would come by every year and hang out by my breakfast room window. They liked the hummingbird trumpet vine and the red zinnias.
And, every year, the flock, and I mean a lot of birds were in this flock, they would come and settle like a golden blanket on the dirt driveway leading up to the front steps. Goldfinchs I guess they were. I had never seen so many birds all at once, just there, sitting the length of the driveway, and spread out onto the grass. A mass of lovely gold had settled on my dirt and gravel.

And today, as I walked through a place far away from Buena, in the area that is now my home, I saw a flicker of gold in someone's pretty garden. It was a goldfinch. Just one. But it brought me back. Back to the fields, and the family, and the life that I once had.
That I no longer have.
I don't usually let myself linger in those memories. It is not productive, and loss is not something to linger over. I have my life still, my body is intact, my mind is intact, my me is intact. My children are intact. My job is intact and in fact, I have been promoted a few times since then.

But the evil of other venues, that I try to confront and change through various ways, visited me down in pretty buena many years ago. I know what it is to be a victim. I know what it is to try for justice in our injustice system. I know what it is to have someone or something walk into your life and think it would be best if you were gone. That it would be more financially viable for them if you would juuust not exist.
To look at you and think that you have no value as a life.


Well, I am rambling here, and there is work to do, and I have yet to answer some comments, and yet to thank Societas for his fantastic work on the Patriot Act--a blog post is coming on that. How eloquent some people are! How discerning and able to pull diverse threads together.
And I have yet to post here about the wonderful work that Pax and his blogger friends are doing around the missing woman that the mainstream media HAS not covered...
and just thinking about the positive people who work from the source of good......is helpful for my soul, and for others. I do believe that there are more lights in this world than patches of darkness.
Even so, I do feel like I have had to wrestle, sometimes literally, with humans who are bent on destruction, whether that destruction serves a purpose of sheer madness, or cold greed, since I was 11. It only stops me in my tracks momentarily, though. Today a flickering of gold feathers did.
But now, back to work. Because a war still rages, and the violence that men do is expounded by our current soulless administration and their actions. Evil, I know it when I see it, cause it has knocked at my door before.

2 Comments:

Blogger PaxRomano said...

First, let me thank you for sharing that beautiful and poetic piece about your garden. I could smell the flowers and herbs...ah just sublime.

Thanks for the mention also, if your readers want to get involed in helping with the Latoyia Figueroa case they can go here:
http://www.phillyfuture.org/node/1370

Yes, sometimes there are flashes of gold -- I think Jerry Garcia said it best: Sometimes you can find the light, in the darkest of places if you look just right (or something like that)

10:18 AM  
Anonymous ThomH said...

I saw a hummingbird the other day -- and then read your post. I agree with Pax on both points. 1. Beautifully done. 2. It's those small moments that help keep us going. Thanks, btw, for the mention. The P-Act opportunity is now passed. What Pax & crew are up to, a "missing persons Monday" -- as one blogger suggested -- is (like most of yours) an ongoing concern.

12:47 AM  

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